From The Top

After a lot of careful consideration I've decided to start blogging about some of the craziness that goes on at my job.  I'm a Registered Nurse working at a downtown hospital.  I have been writing down stories and quotes for years in a journal, but lets face it...it's hard to keep up with that old school pen/paper business.  I have seen some intense things, met some amazing people, and met some crazzzyyy people.  I love my job...the good, the bad & the gross and I want to get all these stories written down before I get dementia and forget them.  So here we go...ALL the names used in this blog have been changed, HIPPA y'all.  They start when I first began my nursing journey, first stop....Certified Nursing Assistant class.

After spending a year at college thinking I wanted to be some sort of a business woman, I decided to move home to become a nurse.  I thought this was life changing news at the time, my parents weren't the least bit surprised.  First step was becoming a Certified Nursing Assistant (pretty fancy title for all the butt wiping that's involved) and I decided to do a three week crash-course with my older sister, instead of the quarter long class.  In the fall of '06 was the start of my nursing journey.  Our instructor was fabulous and opened my eyes to the world of nursing, and more importantly, the importance of higher education.  She was a shining star who truly believed in teaching CNA's the right way to do this difficult job.  For all the butt wiping, it is very rewarding, and is extremely physically and emotionally draining.  After a week or so in the classroom we were set free to work on "real patients."  We (my sister and I) were in charge of *Dale (all names have been changed remember?  The "*" makes it more legit), Dale was 103 and wearing a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, a killer combo if you ask me.  We were also in charge of *Lucy (now you get it).  My sister and I had no idea what we were doing.  Dale, fortunately (amazingly) was able to walk.  He was my first ever attempt to put an adult diaper on someone while they are standing (it never works, first lesson learned).  A few lumpy adult diapers later, we were headed down the hall to check and change Lucy.  When we turned her over, I started gagging.  Second important lesson learned, always...always breathe through your mouth at work.  This is when I first learned that the smell of urine bothers me way more than the smell of poop, or stool if we are getting nursey with it.  We got Lucy cleaned and changed after a few 50 rolls over the pads trying to get it right on a bed about 6 inches off the ground (my sister and I are 5'9" and taller).  Other gems from this class that I'll never forget: always brush dentures with paper towels in the sink in case you drop them and they break (they are vedy expensive), never put someones glasses on their dinner tray (the kitchen will throw them away), don't assume every old person is hard of hearing (it can be embarrassing when you figure out they hear you just fine and you are yelling at them).  My sister and I made it through our clinicals without injuring anyone, and after the class was complete I signed up to take my CNA test.

The written test was no problem, I was much more nervous about the skills test.  I had to be watched washing my hands, measuring urine output, and applying Ted Hose (compression stockings).  No big deal right?  Wrong.  The Teds had to go on a mannequin with sticky rubbery legs.  I swear to God it took me close to 20 minutes to get those bad boys on, I even broke a sweat with my hands shaking the entire time.  But thankfully I passed and headed out to apply for my first CNA job...