Little Girl

After leaving my CNA job, I went to work for a home caregiver agency.  I was in school full time so I was paired up with Mari who needed me to come for an hour in the morning and a few hours in the evening.  I was so nervous my first day, going to some strangers house to take care of them.  I didn't know what to expect.  I had heard horror stories from other caregivers about houses being totally dirty and other family members expecting you do to all their dishes and cleaning.  You are there to care for one person, the person who needs help with their laundry, food and dishes.  You aren't expected to be the house maid.  Luckily I arrived at Mari's house and found that she lived alone in a very cute (and clean) house with her little dog Sugar.  She let me in & I fixed her breakfast and started a load of laundry.  She loved poached eggs with a piece of toast and a boost.  I was supposed to serve her meals on smaller plates to encourage her to eat more.  The big plates can be overwhelming.  When I first started I didn't really know what had happened to make Mari need my help, she seemed fairly able, but as the weeks ticked by I learned more and more.

Mari started showing me pictures of herself from a few years back.  She was curvy with big hair, big makeup and she still had the big personality.  She was without a doubt "fabulous" and she had all the clothes, products & pictures to prove it.  She told me she had been married, divorced the guy, then decided to remarry him!  She didn't care, and told me "it felt right."  When I met her, she was a skinny-mini and got tired very easily, but she still had the sparkle in her eye.  After a few weeks Mari told me she had cancer, but that's all she really said about it.  After talking to her niece, I found out that it was lung cancer that had started to spread over the last few months.

Every day I would come over, Mari would have QVC on the TV...and she had packages delivered almost daily.  Finally I spoke with her niece who asked me nicely to please change the channel from QVC because Mari was spending ridiculous amounts of money!  Her credit card was linked up and all she had to do was call and enter a code.  I asked her why she shopped so much and she said "well I'm bored."  We found a old western channel that she liked a lot and the shopping slowed down a little :)  She would buy the weirdest things.  One day a package of these wind spinner things that go in the yard arrived.  There were about four of them and they looked like roosters.  Mari wasn't feeling very good that day and she always kept the living room so dark...so I set up these wind spinner things in the yard in her line of sight from the couch and we opened the front door, let the sunshine in, and watched these ridiculous little things spin around in the yard for a couple of hours.  Mari smiled at me and said, "this was one of my best purchases."  :)

 Mari started needing radiation for a cancer lesion on her wrist that hurt.  You would think going to radiation wouldn't really be the time for a fashion show.  Guess again.  Mari made me show up two hours early to help her pick out her outfit which always had some sort of sparkle on it and was topped off with a fur coat.  Then there was hair and makeup which took about 45 minutes to an hour.  We would go to radiation, her little dog Sugar always came along, never without her bedazzled leash and collar.  I would usually pow wow with a dietician at the oncology center about ways to help Mari gain weight while she got her radiation.  Afterwards she always wanted me to stop at McDonalds for a cheeseburger and a vanilla shake, even if she only ate a few bites...Sugar got the rest :)

One day I came over and Mari was too weak to get up.  The hospice nurse came over and said that we were probably getting close to the end.  I remember I had checked her blood pressure and it was low, but I had called my mom and said "is this too low?"  It's crazy to think about working in the ICU now and how little I knew back then and how scared I was.  What a difference a few years make.  I was just starting my spring break so I stayed with Mari 24 hours a day.  The hospice group got her a hospital bed and oxygen, and I learned which medications to give and when, then kept Mari clean and turned her every few hours.  Lots of her friends were able to come and say goodbye...Mari and I spent about a week watching endless movies, taking naps, painting nails and talking about life.  She always referred to me as her "Little Girl."  She never had any kids, her niece tells me I helped fill that void even it was only for a short time.  Pretty amazing :)  I found out after Mari passed away that she had kicked out multiple caregivers until I came along, I would have never guessed...she and I hit it off from the start.  On the night she passed away, her best friends, her niece and I were all at the house.  We knew that she was getting close to leaving us, I had just given her feet a massage and she held out her hands and we all gathered around her.  She was hanging on for something, we weren't sure what...until Sugar jumped up onto her lap.  Mari passed away about a minute later.  It was, and still is one of the most moving moments of my life.  It's when I first realized that death can be beautiful, and peaceful.  I didn't know it at the time but Mari helped me discover my passion for end of life care.  What a gift to pass away at home surrounded by family and friends, and be so comfortable and calm.

Mari's manicure...there is a diamond on her thumb...she showed it to everyone who came over :)

I think about Mari often.  Her niece didn't know what to do with her belongings so I helped her take some of it to goodwill, and I ended up with a few special items.  My red couch is from Mari and it is my most treasured piece of furniture.  I also have these spoon holders that you put on your stove top (to place spoons and other utensils while you're cooking), there are four of them, one for each season.  Today I changed out spring for summer...thought of Mari and smiled :)  My crockpot is from Mari, so every batch of spaghetti is extra special.  So Mari, wherever you are out there....thank you for being my friend, and thank you for showing me that nursing was the perfect career choice & helping me find my passion.  I know you're breaking hearts up in there in heaven :)

xoxo, Your Little Girl

My utensil holder..summer :)

My favorite red couch :)